Fears

I have realized for a while that my fears keep me from experiencing a lot in life. I am afraid of dogs, bees, getting lost, being alone and on and on. I go way overboard on many of my fears.

I was terrified of dogs growing up. I knew all the houses in my area that had "free range" dogs. There was actually a house at the end of our circle, and if the garage was open, I would walk all the way around the block to get home instead of walking by the house. We tried several times after we were married to get a dog, but it never worked out. Finally, about 3 years ago, we bought Max, our huge black lab, for my son Allen. He has always been our dog lover, and it has been a great purchase for him. I think if Allen had to choose between Max and our family, there are days he would choose Max. I am still afraid of dogs, but I think it is a much more rational fear now. Learning to understand Max has helped a lot. Max is huge. He weighs more than 100 pounds. For some strange reason, Hubby always likes to point out his sharp teeth, and talk about exactly what kind of damage they could do if Max decided to turn on us. It doesn't bother me at all.

One of my fears is taking the kids anywhere alone. I am always positive we would break down somewhere, and my kids and I would be at the mercy of some stranger to help us. This summer, I finally decided to try a family trip without Hubby. I packed up the kids, and drove 3 and a half hours to my sister's house. She had some bum lambs that she wanted to have some help with. She thought it would be a great homeschool lesson. It turned out to be one of the best trips ever. My kids LOVED helping her with her animals!! We were able to homeschool, and it worked out really well. We went back up a month later with the whole family, and my kids are talking about going up again before the summer is done. My fear now is that I will drive my sister (or brother-in-law) crazy by visiting too often. :)

Most of the time when I finally conquer my fears, I find that I wasted a lot of time being afraid instead of enjoying life. I really need to push myself more to try things that push me out of my comfort zone. I think my whole family would benefit from it.

Happy Mother's Day

My pregnant Mommy!

This last year I had the privilege of downloading a bunch more of our family pictures, and one of the things I loved about it is it gave me a glimpse into my mom's life when she was a young mother. It was very different seeing my mom at my age, and seeing the things she did as a mom.

One of the things I do remember about my mom is that she made up breakfast every morning. We always thought other kids were so lucky because they got to eat cereal every morning while we had to suffer with pancakes, waffles or scrambled eggs (sometimes with cheese!) For our birthday breakfasts, we would CHOOSE to have cereal. I feel bad now that my mom went to such a huge effort to send us off with a good breakfast, and all she probably ever heard from us was grumbling.

It is tough to find pictures of my mom. She is almost always the one behind the camera. Here she is on the day of my blessing. What a cute family we were. I love the sideburns on my dad!

I'm about a year old here. This is my Mom's Mom's house. It looks very much like I remember it. Behind the couch, there is a chalk board that we used to decorate. I remember sitting on that couch to have my Grandpa read "The Poky Little Puppy" to me.Here we are on the couch again. I guess Grandma was one person who could convince my mom to have her picture taken. I finally started to grow hair.

One of the most amazing things about my young mom, was how creative she was. She was frugal, and she really enjoyed making things from things around the house. When they built the house, she actually had a room in the basement built as a "Mud Room." She said she had all kinds of plans to do fun, artistic, messy things down there. My Grandpa built easels so we could paint, and color. She wanted to be able to do pottery down in that room.

Here my brother and I are sitting in a "train" made out of some of the cute homemade chairs that my mom made. Most of our Barbie furniture was made from wood, plastic containers, sewn cushions, bits of leftover wallpaper, and carpet remnants. I think most of it is still floating around my mom's house.These four pictures are of my wardrobe made from scraps of material. I am still not sure if they came from the dump, or if someone was just getting ready to send them to the dump, but they were all just scraps. There wasn't enough to make anything, so my mom pieced them together, and made me some adorable outfits. These are our adorable homemade Halloween costumes for the first year we dressed up. I am probably mixing up all these stories, but I am pretty sure my mom told me that this year, she wasn't planning on doing anything for Halloween. My dad was out of town, and she decided to just skip it. I think we decided that we did want to go after all, and so- very last minute- she "threw" these costumes together. I love them.My mom also sewed us matching dresses, outfits, and pajamas. Most of these dresses were Easter Dresses. The one just above are Christmas dresses. Every Christmas Eve, we would get to open our new matching pajamas. She also made many of our toys. Here we are playing with a house that she made. She sewed every stitch to make each of the rooms, and all of the furniture. Even the people were stitched. She made most of our dolls, quilts, Afghans, picture frames, and plant holders. She has even continued to sew for the grandkids. Michael's favorite toy is a T-Rex that my Mom made him. He named him Dinosaur Rex. Michael loved it until poor Dinosaur Rex had many patches. A few years later, Mom made him a more durable dinosaur. He loves them and sleeps with them every night. She also made a woolly mammoth for Allen, and a doll with an entire wardrobe for Makenzie. She has made us these amazing Scripture Busy Books that people ask about wherever we go, and she has made thousands of dollars for charitable organizations with these busy books.

Michael with his dinosaurs.

Allen with "Cludge".

Makenzie and Morgan with their homemade toys.

One of the things that hit me as I was looking at these pictures was how very creative my mom is (I don't think I got one iota of that particular gene), but more importantly, it showed me how much time and effort she put into being a good mom. She puts her time and her love into each one of these projects. It amazes me how dedicated she is as a mom, and how it was everything to her.

Mom, I love you!! For all the times I didn't say thank you- Thank You for all you have done for me!! You are a fantastic example of a selfless mom, and I love you!!

What I have learned

I have learned that grocery stores put the $4 bag of tiny, unpeeled, whole shrimp next to the $17 dollar large deveined shrimp for the frugal, naive soul who does not think a bag of shrimp is worth $17. I have also learned that once you buy the $4 bag of shrimp, you will complain a lot less about the price tag of the large deveined shrimp. After 2 1/2 hours I have now been initiated into the world of shrimp (she wrote with her frozen, shrimp scented, raisin fingers).

Parenting

Today I had to take Makenzie in for a Dentist Appointment. We have a great pediatric dentist who is really great with my kids. He has TVs mounted in the ceiling, and video games for the kids to play when they are waiting for their appointment. My kids really love going to the dentist. Makenzie is the only one of my kids who has ever had cavities. She had to have some filled once before. When I took her in before, I sent her back by herself for the shots, and then I went back and supported her through the rest of it. I thought I should be back there for the whole thing today. I felt bad for abandoning her during the toughest time of the appointment. Today I was in the room with her when they were numbing her mouth. She really struggled with it. I stood up and walked over to her to hold her hand and be there for her. When the dentist left us so the Novocaine could kick in, I sat in his chair and rubbed Makenzie's head and kissed her on the forehead. I started thinking about some of the parenting books I have read. I started thinking about how much they set up parents to feel bad about choices they make. While I was sitting caring for my daughter I felt bad about being a "helicopter parent." (All of you Love and Logic experts, I know it means something else, but I felt bad about supporting my daughter "too much.") I started thinking about how ridiculous that was. They books say you should be involved in your kids lives, but not too involved. You should back off and let your kids make choices, allowing them to fail and learn from their mistakes without being negligent. I think even if parents do everything according to the books (Which I believe is impossible, because there are so many contradicting theories) there is still a very good chance that their kids won't turn out perfect. We are all human, and we all have free agency. When I was at BYU one of my teachers used a diagram of different parenting styles. They basically broke it up into 4 styles. Permissive parents that care about their kids, permissive parents that are apathetic towards their kids, controlling parents who care about their kids, and controlling parents who are apathetic towards their kids (Often abusive). We had a discussion about what makes up each kind of parent, and I am sure like all the other kids, I decided which type of parents I had. I decided I had controlling parents who care. We finished off the discussion for the day by talking about which type of parenting produces the most well-adjusted successful kids. I was sure it would be the permissive parents who cared, because I had issues. I was confident that if my parents had used the "ideal" parenting style, they would have saved me from having these issues. Our Professor said that studies showed that both the controlling and permissive parents who cared about their kids produced well adjusted adults. I can deal with that. Caring about my kids will never be my problem. Deciding on the right level of control will always be a struggle with me. I have decided to not beat myself up about it. I am sure that I will probably have pain sometime in my life that will be caused by my kids, whether it is from decisions they make, or natural things I need to see them go through, I think it is inevitable. I hope when the time comes, I can keep that in mind. My parents made mistakes. Every single parent makes mistakes. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. I see my parents watch my siblings struggle in their lives, and like any loving parent, it hurts them. I have heard my mom second guess things she did. I have heard her say that if she did this or that differently, maybe she could have saved one of my siblings from the pain they are experiencing. I really think my mom always did the best she knew how. She took her responsibilities as a Mom very seriously. My Dad dedicated his life (even before he was married) to providing for us. I can't think of a single day when I saw them shirking their responsibility. I did see them overwhelmed. I saw them be imperfect. I have seen myself be so much more imperfect. I hope in my parenting I will be able to feel good about the effort I put into being a parent, and I also hope I will always be able to set goals to become a better parent. (Thanks for reading all the way through my rambling. I feel like this blog is all over the place without a real point.)

The Best April Fools Joke

This April Fools Day, the best joke was not played by any member of the family. My kids tried their best with the, "Oh no, there is a fly on your head," several times. Allen put a rubber band over the kitchen sprayer so the unsuspecting person would be sprayed. The kids know I hate April Fools Day. I am a very trusting person, and I hate people trying to deceive me, even if it is in fun. I think celebrating a day when you do your best to trick people is a bad idea through and through. I am kind of the ultimate party pooper! We should have a day where everyone has to tell the truth! Could you imagine what kinds of chaos that would bring? Anyway, I am getting off the subject. I actually had a joke played on me today that I enjoyed. It was a simple thing, but it made me laugh. Our best joke of the day was played by our whiteboard marker. We use our markers everyday. Most of our schooling is done with them. I love opening new markers. I love it when I can give up struggling with my pathetic old marker, and have the kids see what I am writing from halfway across the house. I love getting new Markers!! About a week ago, I decided to give up on sad little marker I had been trying to eek the last little bit of life out of, and open a new marker. I never throw away the old markers until they are absolutely dead. The kids are not allowed to use the new markers unless I am right there to keep an eye on them. They leave the lid off while they are "thinking" (dawdling) and they dry out too fast. We have a pencil box that we keep all of our markers in. For the past week, I have been using this new marker, and I was really frustrated. The first day I started using it, I noticed it was really weak. I was upset that we got a bum marker. Finally today, it died completely. I was not happy. I threw it away, and got out a new marker. It was beautiful. Everything a marker should be. Halfway through Allen's lesson, I noticed that there were two beautiful new markers on the table. I was very confused for a while, then I realized what had happened. The new marker I had opened last week had hidden itself in the bottom of our marker pencil box. We use two different sizes of Markers, and I didn't think we had any skinny black markers left. When I found a skinny black marker, I just assumed it was the new one, when in fact I had been using the old marker all week long. I don't have a clue how that marker stayed hidden from me all week long, but it did. I laughed really hard, and when I told the kids about the markers "April Fools" joke, they enjoyed it as much as I did. Long explanation for a simple story, but it made my day.

Starting the Yard Work

Front Yard- "Before" Picture

Back Yard from 1 angle

Back Yard from the other side.

This weekend we finally started working on our yard. Yeahoo!!! I am sick of looking out at our brown dead ugly yard every time I do dishes. We split up the yard. I get to be in charge of making decisions for the back yard, and Hubby gets to figure out what to do with the front yard. He keeps threatening to put large gaudy objects in it. I hope he is just kidding.

This weekend we picked up 3 tons (no exaggeration) of compost from the dump and spent 7 hours taking most of it to the back yard to till in later. The kids all came out and helped, and they worked so hard.

Here is Allen scooping compost into the wheelbarrow. He worked so hard.

We gave the kids rides back out to the front yard until our arms gave out. They loved it. Hubby lasted several hours longer than I did.
For dinner, we enjoyed pizza in the garage. We sat on the car bench that we pulled out of the van. Man those kids are filthy. When we were eating Michael said, "You might think this is my worst Saturday, but you know what? It's not! It's my best." This was after working for about 5 hours. I was pretty proud of my little helpers.

We also planted one of our new peach trees today, and we removed most of the large slab of concrete that was buried in our back yard (Stupid builders!). It was at least 6 feet across. We bought a pick axe and Hubby went to town on it. We should finish getting it out in the next few days, and then we will plant our second tree.

Stay tuned for the "After" pictures. I can't wait until we are done!!

Shots!!

I hate shots!! I hate getting them. I hate having my kids get them. I know they are necessary, but I still hate them. When I was about 12, my parents realized that I needed my MMR booster. Several of my siblings needed shots too. They got us in the car, and didn't tell us where we were going. I remember pulling up to this large red building. My oldest brother said maybe we were getting our new camcorder. We were all excited. Then he saw the word "clinic" on the sign. I had no idea what a clinic was, but he did. He let us all know we would be getting shots. Instantly we all started yelling at my mom. I'm sure there was much "weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth." I asked my mom later why she didn't tell us before we left. She told me we would just worry ourselves sick about it. She is probably right, but I will never forget the extreme panic I felt when I found out I would be getting a shot. I determined that I would never do that to my kids. It is a tough place to put yourself in. You let your child know that they will be experiencing something painful so they can prepare themselves, but you have to break the bad news to them. I ease my conscience by letting them pick out ice cream. The kid getting the shot gets to pick out their favorite flavor of ice cream, and the family gets to enjoy it. It gives us something positive to talk about along with the shots, and the rest of the family is appreciative that one kid is experiencing the pain so we all can enjoy the ice cream. I think the gratitude makes up for a bit of the pain.

Okay, so to get to the point, today I took my two youngest in for their well-child visits. I knew that we would be getting Morgan the 50 (or 4) shots he needs. I hate the 4 year old visit. I hate seeing my kids in pain! Makenzie needed her Chicken Pox booster, and she crumpled on my lap and cried for a minute after they poked her. I hugged her and told her, "I hate shots too, but they keep us healthy."

Then it was Morgan's turn. I know that some of those 4 year old shots are really not fun. Most of my kids would cry for the first few, and then scream as the put in the last one. I hate holding them as they get them. I think I even talked Hubby into taking Michael in, because I couldn't take it.

Morgan was such a trooper!! He was giggling at the end. As I was putting his shoes on after the shots, preparing to go home he said with a big smile, and tears streaming down his face, "Those shots hurt so much, but they keep us healthy." I am glad that is over. Allen has to get several shots on Monday when we take him in for his 12 year old check-up. I guess we will all get to enjoy ice cream again.